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| *EmMaNeMz SiTe* |
| *Funny Stuff* |
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This is my funny page, I'm going to put some like pictures and jokes and stuff on it!
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| *Katie and Sam* |
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| *AHAHAHAHAHAHA* |
Two Blondes and a Lake
There were two blondes, one was on one side of the lake and one was on the other. One blonde yelled to the other, "How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde yelled back, "You're already on the other side!" Top Ten Times in history when using the "f" word was appropriate:
10) "What the f**k was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima
9) "Where did all these f**king Indians come from?" - Custer
8) "Any f**king idiot could understand that." - Einstein
7) "It does SO f**king look like her!" - Picasso
6) "How the f**k did you work that out?" - Pythagoras
5) "You want WHAT on the f**king ceiling?" - Michaelangelo
4) "I don't suppose it's gonna f**king rain." - Joan of Arc
3) "Scattered f**king showers... my ass!" - Noah
2) "I need this parade like I need a f**king hole in my head!" - J.F.K.
And the number one most appropriate reason to use the "f" word....
1) "Who the f**k is going to know?" - Bill Clinton
Condom Dog
A guy walks into a store and buys six jumbo boxes of condoms. The store clerk asks the man, "What do you do with all of those?" The guy replies, "I taught my dog to swallow them and now he shits in little plastic baggies!" The "Nun"
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you. She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party." Deathbed Confession
There was a man who had four kids, all gorgeous, except for the youngest one, Craig, who was nothing short of gruesome. While on his deathbed, the husband asked his wife, "Marie, tell me one thing. And please be honest. Am I Craig's father?" "Yes, honey," replied his wife. "I promise you, Craig is 100% yours". "I can die a happy man. Goodbye my love." And the man peacefully passed away. "Marie gave a big sigh and said quietly, "Thank heaven almighty he didn't ask me about the other three." | |
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Watermelon
Three girls named Samantha, Janet and Rebecca were driving through the country, when all of a sudden their car stalls. Samantha remembers seeing a farm a little ways back, so her and Janet walk to the farm, leaving Rebecca guarding the car. When Samantha and Janet get to the farm, they tell the farmer what happened. The farmer raises a gun to their head and tells them to get a fruit, vegetable, whatever, just get something from the garden. Samantha grabs a turnip, and Janet grabs a single grape. Just as they come back into the farmer's house, Rebecca walks in. He tells Rebecca to do the same as they just did, and Rebecca heads off towards the garden. While she's out in the garden, the farmer tells Samantha and Janet to shove whatever they have up their ass, and who ever laughs, dies. Samantha laughs first, so the farmer shoots her. Then Janet laughs and she gets killed too. So they are floating out of their bodies, and Janet asks Samantha why she died. Samantha said that the thought of sticking a turnip up your ass was just too funny. Samantha then asked Janet why she laughed, Janet said: "I saw Rebecca coming around the corner with a watermelon!" Old People And Nastiness
A very old couple wanted to have children, so they went to their doctor and told him their problem. The doctor gave the couple a tiny jar and told them to fill it up. About a week later, the couple came back.
"I tried with my right hand until it gave out, and I tried with my left hand until it gave out," said the man.
"And I tried with both hands until they gave out," said the woman. "And we still can't get the lid off the jar." Blonde Bird Watcher
A blonde and her father are walking down a street when the father says, ''Look, a dead bird.''
And the blonde looks up and says, ''Where?' Men Are Like Toilets
Men are like toilets -- either they're taken, or full of shit! If Ever You're Choking...
A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she launches foward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck, "You're right,that 'hind-lick' maneuver works like a charm." | |
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